some excerpts from my morning journal.
february 16th.
surrounded by dust and dirt, flies swarm by my feet. i have to simply accept this state of discomfort and chaos and constant sweat. i have to let go of the familiar feelings called comfort, and find new ways to define that word. african ways.
this is my life in africa. one month seems ample time to adjust, but still i feel inadequate. my body tells me it needs more time, to catch up to my nimble mind. the elements are too intense, and my body is tired. the heat, the humidity, the food, the time, the patience required to accomplish anything. the disease and mosquitoes, the spiders that make my ankles and toes swell up and sting. my body was not born here. i am a foreigner, and am reminded every single day.
february 17th.
i am hushed by simply being a foreigner. a minority, based on the color of my skin. it is a humbling feeling, and one i choose never to forget.
its important to remember this experience. to learn from its challenges and emotional power, and apply those lessons through my life.
to be so lost, when i know exactly where i am, is a feeling incomparable to any other. to know no words, from a language so local, to aide me. to feel so many eyes upon me, just walking down my street. to be blatantly taken advantage of, simply because i don’t belong. these are all lessons, and i am wise to appreciate them, as best i can.
it is difficult, though.
february 24th.
morning confessions, over my cup and saucer of bitter coffee. the ants swarm the table; frantic and futile. and suddenly i realize that i am used to this. there is one on my arm, i feel its little feet rush over my skin. i simply brush it away. no reflex of panic or disgust. have i always been capable of this calm? or has it only been cultivated while living in africa?
adaptation. will i take these home with me, or will they slowly fade, over time. maybe i have a choice.
february 25th.
i swept away the trail of ants, hoping their friends will forget the way. get lost, and disappear. i doubt it, though.
what am i doing here. what am i looking for. all i am seeing is bigger problems, and more questions. i see more confusion than i did before. more sadness, more loss, more challenge. is this what i wanted? is this what i was supposed to find?
march 8th.
i suddenly realize how limited my time is. and i look around to see what i’ve done, what i’ve become. and i feel helpless and overwhelmed.
why am i always so consumed by the next step. why is it so difficult for me to just be, present. already i’m looking forward to the next phase, next chapter, next person place and thing.
i need to slow down, and take time to look around. i need to be present.
right now. right now. right now. rain is dumping from the sky and lightening crashes- a tune i’ve always loved. the trees dance wildly in the dark and i can barely make out their shadows. the thunder rumbles the earth and the house shakes. and when it cracks, it sounds like a gunshot piercing through the sky.
march 10th.
today i feel different. part annoyed, part angry, and part tired and lonely. this week back, after traveling, is tough. i didn’t think it would be. yesterday
i found myself counting down, the hours. i was annoyed by the children, and irritated with my host family.
and i don’t like this state i'm in. i want to feel the way i did my first week, again. excited and hopeful and full of energy and passion. but now i feel jaded and tired.
they’re everywhere now, the ants. they’re slowly taking over my life. this morning i actually had to brush them off of my bread, before eating it. i feel itchy and dirty and claustrophobic.
march 11th.
“one cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world’s end somewhere.” –willa cather
and for a moment i feel at ease. happy. calm. i feel cool and relaxed, sleepy and content. but i now that feeling will fade, again. and i’ll revert back to the uneasy, uncomfortable constant. the heat.
but for now, i'm okay. and i have just five weeks left. less than . i wonder how it will feel. to be on that plane. probably many mixed emotions, all jumbled together in a mess.
march 12th.
two months. since i left. its so strange. at points, time flew by- but at others it seemed to stand still. and now juts five weeks left. to make my mark, to accomplish something. i want to accomplish something.
i'm getting tanner now, and adopting this new person. natural, simple, calm and at peace. i'm nearly 25 years old, and i'm just now finding my peace.
but peace changes, with time and years. it shifts, just like the world. we all change, and move, and adjust. and i like that. always something new, to learn and see.
always something new.
march 13th.
the morning seems fresh, and full of life. birds chirping, squawking, singing. palm trees dance in the gentle morning breeze. and sunshine fills the sky.
and my thoughts scatter. maybe not fully awake. or maybe i'm distracted. always caught, miles away. my thoughts never cease to wander. nomadic thoughts.
nomadic thoughts. scattered, distant, and distracted. never present.
march 14th.
i wake up to a bright african morning, after a dark and dreary lonely night. i slept ten and a half hours- only because i didn't want to stay awake. but this morning brings new hope to my heart. and it amazes me how fast my mood can change.
i simply have to look around, and see this world. all around me. see its life, its love, its possibility. and i know that today will be a good day.
yesterday at the orphanage i felt love. i think i had been trying to force it, before. trying to feel something for these kids, just because they are orphans. but yesterday i just sat, while they climbed all over me. and i played with them, tickled them, sang with them, and held them- and i felt my heart grow. they are so special, all of them, and i want them to know that. to believe that.
but i worry that they don't. that no one tells them, because they are just one of so many. and they are forced to grow up so fast, so much is expected of them. when is there time to just let them, be them?
for our sponsorship program we are trying to ask personal questions of all the kids- like what is their favorite thing to do, what is their favorite color. and they have no answers. they don't know what to say, because their lives are so uniform and adult. it makes me so sad to think that they don't have a favorite color, or game- that they don't know they can be unique.
march 15th.
i can feel my body struggling. pushed and pulled and scrambling to keep up. so many changes thrown at it, into it, demanded from it. i can feel the constant roller coaster my body is stuck on. but i welcome this ride. i want to push myself to new limits, and see what i am capable of. never forced to push-really- never challenged in this way. and i like it. i enjoy seeing new strengths i never knew were there.
i feel a new strength. a new voice. a new me. i know that i'm growing and changing. and i am so glad for this.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
two months.
i have been in ghana for two months now, with just one left... and it feels very bittersweet. it feels so strange to be winding down, after waiting to be here for so long. it also feels very overwhelming because i feel like there is still so much to accomplish. my time here is so limited, and it took about a month to even adjust. now i have about five weeks left, and i know i have to make them count.
these last two weeks i've spent traveling, which has been amazing. it was so nice to take a break from work, from the orphanage, from my host family, and to be with friends and experience ghana independently. first we headed to the coast, to akwidaa beach. my roommate had to fly out of accra, so we went to the beach for a few days before she left for the airport. it was incredible. we stayed a little place called green turtle lodge, which supports conservation of the sea turtles. it was a little paradise; complete with white sand beaches, palm trees, hammocks, warm ocean with body-surfing waves, huts to sleep in, amazing cheap food (swordfish over rice with vegetables for $5), and even a happy hour. i loved it.
and last week we took one of our two allotted travel weeks to head east. i went with 4 other volunteers, and had a blast. we started out traveling east to lake volta, and paid .80 pesowees for a local fisher to take us across. we climbed in his long fishing boat, shaped like a canoe, and enjoyed the hour long trek across. From there we were lucky enough to hitch a free two-hour ride to the next ferry point in the back of a local mans 4x4. once we arrived, we learned that the ferry was broken, so we would be taking another fishing boat across the lake. we waited by the shore for the boat to arrive. the tiny village waited with us, and sat across from us, staring, as if they had never seen white people before. the kids bet each other to run up and touch us, and then ran away laughing. it was cute... but after 4 hours, we were ready to go. the second boat ride was exciting, because it was a much bigger fishing boat, and there were other passengers. also, the boat was sinking. slowly. but there were two men bailing water out, the entire time.
but, we survived, and walked into the village and found a taxi to take us to our hotel in wli. we crashed in rooms crawling with large spiders and other unknown creepy things. in the morning, we relocated to another hotel, owned by very nice germans, with cheaper coffee, and less creepy crawly things. after some food, we headed to wli waterfall, the tallest waterfall in western africa. it was about a 45 minute hike away, into the mountainous rain forest. it was beautiful, and the waterfall was wildly impressive. the water was safe, so we swam in the pool below, and stood as close to the huge waterfall as we could. we were surrounded by mountains, and cliffs with thousands of bats. it was so amazing. after an hour playing in the falls, we decided to attempt the trek up the mountain to the upper falls. this was supposed to be semi-trecherous, but it was mid-afternoon, so we figured we had time to investigate. after an hour of strenuous, up-hill climbing, one girl opted out. we left her on the tiny trail, and continued on, assuring her that we'd be back as soon as we saw the upper-falls. well, after another 20-30 minutes of more sheer cliff climbing, i decided to turn back too. it was starting to get dark, and i knew we still had a long way home, with no lights, in the mountains, alone. the other two pressed on, determined to make it, with an agreement to head home as fast as possible. so i turned back, and started my half hour downhill climb back to hannah, who we had left behind to wait. this was not smart. as soon as i could no longer see my friends, my mind started to play tricks on me, and i was absolutely positive i was being stalked by a lion (which live in the mountains and are seen at nighttime ... we found out later). so, needless to say, i hauled ass back down to hannah, and was very glad to see her, as she was me. together we hiked back down to level ground, just as dusk set in, and all of the bats took off. we were doing good, making our way back to the village, until we heard a gun shot... and then another. this was beyond scary. we walked a little bit faster after that, and made it back to our lodge in record time. the others arrived back about 45 minutes later, looking just as panicked as we had. after much needed showers, we ate, and then immediately crashed. a very long day.
the next day we attempted another mega-hike, this time to a nearby village in the hills called likpe tadome. the village was known for its bat caves and a waterfall. we signed up for the hike with "boss", the senior tour guide, of the village, and started our long trek up the mountain. after about an hour of following "boss" up the hill, stopping periodically to point out neat things (like frankensence, and big bright red bugs), we reahched the tops of rolling green hills scattered with wild flowers, and trees. it felt like a different country. there was a rustic rope swing tied to one tree, so we all stopped for a play break. from there we scaled down the cliffs to six different bat caves, each one more exciting than the last. crawling into tiny holes, into the pitch black caves, infested with tons of bugs, and crouching on layer upon layer of bat shit... was quite an experience. not to mention all of the bats that flew out once they woke-up from our voices. not sure i ever need to do bat caves again...
after that, we climbed back up the cliffs, clinging onto ropes that were somewhat solidly placed from point a to b, to c and so on. eventually we made it, and then had another hike down the other side of the mountain into the rain forest jungle, where the waterfall hid. the waterfall was less impressive than the one before, but the water was cold and clean, so it was perfect. we had to hurry down the mountain after cooling off, because it was starting to get dark, and we were starving after our five hour hike. we made it back to our lodge, and enjoyed dinner, complimented by boxed sangria and cheap gin... which made for an excellent night...
...followed by a less excellent morning. we awoke at 7 to get ready to hop a tro tro to our next destination. feeling fairly hung-over, all of us, and immediately soaked from the humid heat of the day, we made our way to fume. our tro tro dropped us at the base of yet another mountain, and took off, leaving us alone in a small village, starving and still wickedly hungover. we bought some local street food (boiled egg for .20 pesowees, and water sachets for .05), and began our trek. we were given the option to take a taxi up the mountain (in theory only a 4k hike), but it was 3 cedi per person, and we figured 4k wasn't so bad. we were wrong. not only was it much further than 4k, it was 2 in the afternoon (the hottest time), in direct sun, hiking up a huge mountain, on an abandoned dirt road, running on empty, and still fairly nauseous from all the sangria and bad gin.
somehow, we made it. although there were many points of near breakdown, and delirious dehydrated panic. it took about an hour and a half, but we finally crawled up to our new home- paradise lodge. and it was a paradise. the eco-lodge was situated on top of the mountain, overlooking the hills and jungles below. there was even an adorable puppy named jack for us to play with. it was perfect. we spent the next two days relaxing, and soaking up the scenery. we did laundry, ate snickers bars (which they cleverly sold for 2 cedi... rip off, but so worth it), and walked a bit, here and there.
on thursday we headed back down the mountain (this time in a taxi), and hit the road to tafi atome- home of the monkeys. we checked into the guesthouse of tafi atome, the monkey sanctuary. the small village protects about 300 mona monkeys, that roam the village and the rain forest surrounding it. the guesthouse included meals, and an early morning monkey walk, so the next morning we woke at 5am, for a 6am walk to feed the monkeys. our guide called them from the trees, using secret monkey talk that only africans can do (seriously), and gave us all bananas to hand-feed the monkeys. it was awesome. they came right up to us, and would each break off a piece and then jump back up to their tree to eat it. after our monkey walk, we were fed breakfast in the queen mothers house. the queen mother is the wife of the chief- a big deal. she was out of town, sadly, but we still were hosted in her sitting room, and given bread and milo. this room was by far the creepiest room i have ever spent any time in, in my life. it was covered in mirrors, and weird pictures of monkeys and chiefs. and from the ceiling hung tons of old beanie babies and miniature sponge bob squarepants dolls. it felt like a room straight out of blair witch- no joke. so, we ate fast, and hit the road asap.
from there we headed down to ho, a big city on the east, and checked into a nice hotel to treat ourselves to a little luxury. we swam in the pool, ate club sandwiches with coke for lunch, and then took the best showers in ghana to date- it had warm water, and NO spiders, ants or lizards!!! afterwards, we all crawled into the king sized comfy bed, turned up the ac, and watched crappy movies from the 80's. it was a very nice afternoon.
the next day we caught a tro tro into accra, and then an stc bus back to kumasi. long day. we got back home around midnight, and let the stc manager drive us home (a little sketchy, but we were desperate), for free.
the travels were awesome, but exhausting. good to be back in kumasi, with just 5 weeks left before flying out. since my camera was stolen, i don't have any of my own pictures anymore... but i will snag some of my friends and post them as soon as i can. i finally finished uploading the rest from mole national park, so check those out if you want to see elephants!!
i will update more soon about richmond and our hep b project... and thanks for all your support and well wishes:)
these last two weeks i've spent traveling, which has been amazing. it was so nice to take a break from work, from the orphanage, from my host family, and to be with friends and experience ghana independently. first we headed to the coast, to akwidaa beach. my roommate had to fly out of accra, so we went to the beach for a few days before she left for the airport. it was incredible. we stayed a little place called green turtle lodge, which supports conservation of the sea turtles. it was a little paradise; complete with white sand beaches, palm trees, hammocks, warm ocean with body-surfing waves, huts to sleep in, amazing cheap food (swordfish over rice with vegetables for $5), and even a happy hour. i loved it.
and last week we took one of our two allotted travel weeks to head east. i went with 4 other volunteers, and had a blast. we started out traveling east to lake volta, and paid .80 pesowees for a local fisher to take us across. we climbed in his long fishing boat, shaped like a canoe, and enjoyed the hour long trek across. From there we were lucky enough to hitch a free two-hour ride to the next ferry point in the back of a local mans 4x4. once we arrived, we learned that the ferry was broken, so we would be taking another fishing boat across the lake. we waited by the shore for the boat to arrive. the tiny village waited with us, and sat across from us, staring, as if they had never seen white people before. the kids bet each other to run up and touch us, and then ran away laughing. it was cute... but after 4 hours, we were ready to go. the second boat ride was exciting, because it was a much bigger fishing boat, and there were other passengers. also, the boat was sinking. slowly. but there were two men bailing water out, the entire time.
but, we survived, and walked into the village and found a taxi to take us to our hotel in wli. we crashed in rooms crawling with large spiders and other unknown creepy things. in the morning, we relocated to another hotel, owned by very nice germans, with cheaper coffee, and less creepy crawly things. after some food, we headed to wli waterfall, the tallest waterfall in western africa. it was about a 45 minute hike away, into the mountainous rain forest. it was beautiful, and the waterfall was wildly impressive. the water was safe, so we swam in the pool below, and stood as close to the huge waterfall as we could. we were surrounded by mountains, and cliffs with thousands of bats. it was so amazing. after an hour playing in the falls, we decided to attempt the trek up the mountain to the upper falls. this was supposed to be semi-trecherous, but it was mid-afternoon, so we figured we had time to investigate. after an hour of strenuous, up-hill climbing, one girl opted out. we left her on the tiny trail, and continued on, assuring her that we'd be back as soon as we saw the upper-falls. well, after another 20-30 minutes of more sheer cliff climbing, i decided to turn back too. it was starting to get dark, and i knew we still had a long way home, with no lights, in the mountains, alone. the other two pressed on, determined to make it, with an agreement to head home as fast as possible. so i turned back, and started my half hour downhill climb back to hannah, who we had left behind to wait. this was not smart. as soon as i could no longer see my friends, my mind started to play tricks on me, and i was absolutely positive i was being stalked by a lion (which live in the mountains and are seen at nighttime ... we found out later). so, needless to say, i hauled ass back down to hannah, and was very glad to see her, as she was me. together we hiked back down to level ground, just as dusk set in, and all of the bats took off. we were doing good, making our way back to the village, until we heard a gun shot... and then another. this was beyond scary. we walked a little bit faster after that, and made it back to our lodge in record time. the others arrived back about 45 minutes later, looking just as panicked as we had. after much needed showers, we ate, and then immediately crashed. a very long day.
the next day we attempted another mega-hike, this time to a nearby village in the hills called likpe tadome. the village was known for its bat caves and a waterfall. we signed up for the hike with "boss", the senior tour guide, of the village, and started our long trek up the mountain. after about an hour of following "boss" up the hill, stopping periodically to point out neat things (like frankensence, and big bright red bugs), we reahched the tops of rolling green hills scattered with wild flowers, and trees. it felt like a different country. there was a rustic rope swing tied to one tree, so we all stopped for a play break. from there we scaled down the cliffs to six different bat caves, each one more exciting than the last. crawling into tiny holes, into the pitch black caves, infested with tons of bugs, and crouching on layer upon layer of bat shit... was quite an experience. not to mention all of the bats that flew out once they woke-up from our voices. not sure i ever need to do bat caves again...
after that, we climbed back up the cliffs, clinging onto ropes that were somewhat solidly placed from point a to b, to c and so on. eventually we made it, and then had another hike down the other side of the mountain into the rain forest jungle, where the waterfall hid. the waterfall was less impressive than the one before, but the water was cold and clean, so it was perfect. we had to hurry down the mountain after cooling off, because it was starting to get dark, and we were starving after our five hour hike. we made it back to our lodge, and enjoyed dinner, complimented by boxed sangria and cheap gin... which made for an excellent night...
...followed by a less excellent morning. we awoke at 7 to get ready to hop a tro tro to our next destination. feeling fairly hung-over, all of us, and immediately soaked from the humid heat of the day, we made our way to fume. our tro tro dropped us at the base of yet another mountain, and took off, leaving us alone in a small village, starving and still wickedly hungover. we bought some local street food (boiled egg for .20 pesowees, and water sachets for .05), and began our trek. we were given the option to take a taxi up the mountain (in theory only a 4k hike), but it was 3 cedi per person, and we figured 4k wasn't so bad. we were wrong. not only was it much further than 4k, it was 2 in the afternoon (the hottest time), in direct sun, hiking up a huge mountain, on an abandoned dirt road, running on empty, and still fairly nauseous from all the sangria and bad gin.
somehow, we made it. although there were many points of near breakdown, and delirious dehydrated panic. it took about an hour and a half, but we finally crawled up to our new home- paradise lodge. and it was a paradise. the eco-lodge was situated on top of the mountain, overlooking the hills and jungles below. there was even an adorable puppy named jack for us to play with. it was perfect. we spent the next two days relaxing, and soaking up the scenery. we did laundry, ate snickers bars (which they cleverly sold for 2 cedi... rip off, but so worth it), and walked a bit, here and there.
on thursday we headed back down the mountain (this time in a taxi), and hit the road to tafi atome- home of the monkeys. we checked into the guesthouse of tafi atome, the monkey sanctuary. the small village protects about 300 mona monkeys, that roam the village and the rain forest surrounding it. the guesthouse included meals, and an early morning monkey walk, so the next morning we woke at 5am, for a 6am walk to feed the monkeys. our guide called them from the trees, using secret monkey talk that only africans can do (seriously), and gave us all bananas to hand-feed the monkeys. it was awesome. they came right up to us, and would each break off a piece and then jump back up to their tree to eat it. after our monkey walk, we were fed breakfast in the queen mothers house. the queen mother is the wife of the chief- a big deal. she was out of town, sadly, but we still were hosted in her sitting room, and given bread and milo. this room was by far the creepiest room i have ever spent any time in, in my life. it was covered in mirrors, and weird pictures of monkeys and chiefs. and from the ceiling hung tons of old beanie babies and miniature sponge bob squarepants dolls. it felt like a room straight out of blair witch- no joke. so, we ate fast, and hit the road asap.
from there we headed down to ho, a big city on the east, and checked into a nice hotel to treat ourselves to a little luxury. we swam in the pool, ate club sandwiches with coke for lunch, and then took the best showers in ghana to date- it had warm water, and NO spiders, ants or lizards!!! afterwards, we all crawled into the king sized comfy bed, turned up the ac, and watched crappy movies from the 80's. it was a very nice afternoon.
the next day we caught a tro tro into accra, and then an stc bus back to kumasi. long day. we got back home around midnight, and let the stc manager drive us home (a little sketchy, but we were desperate), for free.
the travels were awesome, but exhausting. good to be back in kumasi, with just 5 weeks left before flying out. since my camera was stolen, i don't have any of my own pictures anymore... but i will snag some of my friends and post them as soon as i can. i finally finished uploading the rest from mole national park, so check those out if you want to see elephants!!
i will update more soon about richmond and our hep b project... and thanks for all your support and well wishes:)
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